A reader recently emailed me with an interesting question: What are guys thinking right after sex? I wanted to help because I wonder what women think about right after sex. The reader mentioned both one-night stands and sex in committed relationships.
One thing to keep in mind: If you have sex with a guy who is not thinking or reflecting on it (whether it's a one-night stand or not), it's a red flag. Anyone who dismisses something as intense as sex has no respect for the other person or themselves. I believe that every encounter deserves reflection, although most of my reflection is filled with self-loathing and self-doubt.
One-Night Stand
Piecing the Night Together
Most of the time, one-night stands occur after a heavy night of drinking has battered my judgment. I hate that horrible feeling of waking up and realizing that something is slightly different — and then it all hits me like a ton of bricks. I realize that someone random is with me. If I'm cursed enough to be the first one awake, I lie there trying to figure out how I got there by putting the previous night's exploits together like a puzzle...a very difficult puzzle.
Why Did I Do That?
After one-night stands, I analyze my mental state. Why did I end up doing this? Am I lonely? Losing respect for myself?
Is There Any Mystery Left?
One-night stands are counter-productive for long-term relationships because they are an accelerated form of a relationship. There's no courtship between meeting and sex. It's almost as fast as the Crystals song "Then He Kissed Me" , where the guy's asking her to dance and then two minutes later they are married. It's hard to get into a long-term relationship without comfortable pacing and the measured progression of surprises and moments.
Should I Call Her?
Naturally, one-night stands make for awkward good-byes. Usually, I feel obligated to call the girl and see her again, even if I'm not interested in seeing her again. But there is a lot of mental anguish as I decide what to do.
How Will I Tell My Friends?
It's bad, but guys do like to gossip. Even as I'm lying there the next morning, I'm going over the story and the order of friends I will tell.
What Are the Ramifications?
Whether I use protection or not, I worry about STDs. I have no idea who she's been with, and who her partners have been with.
One thing to keep in mind: If you have sex with a guy who is not thinking or reflecting on it (whether it's a one-night stand or not), it's a red flag. Anyone who dismisses something as intense as sex has no respect for the other person or themselves. I believe that every encounter deserves reflection, although most of my reflection is filled with self-loathing and self-doubt.
One-Night Stand
Piecing the Night Together
Most of the time, one-night stands occur after a heavy night of drinking has battered my judgment. I hate that horrible feeling of waking up and realizing that something is slightly different — and then it all hits me like a ton of bricks. I realize that someone random is with me. If I'm cursed enough to be the first one awake, I lie there trying to figure out how I got there by putting the previous night's exploits together like a puzzle...a very difficult puzzle.
Why Did I Do That?
After one-night stands, I analyze my mental state. Why did I end up doing this? Am I lonely? Losing respect for myself?
Is There Any Mystery Left?
One-night stands are counter-productive for long-term relationships because they are an accelerated form of a relationship. There's no courtship between meeting and sex. It's almost as fast as the Crystals song "Then He Kissed Me" , where the guy's asking her to dance and then two minutes later they are married. It's hard to get into a long-term relationship without comfortable pacing and the measured progression of surprises and moments.
Should I Call Her?
Naturally, one-night stands make for awkward good-byes. Usually, I feel obligated to call the girl and see her again, even if I'm not interested in seeing her again. But there is a lot of mental anguish as I decide what to do.
How Will I Tell My Friends?
It's bad, but guys do like to gossip. Even as I'm lying there the next morning, I'm going over the story and the order of friends I will tell.
What Are the Ramifications?
Whether I use protection or not, I worry about STDs. I have no idea who she's been with, and who her partners have been with.
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