What Do Women Consider Good Sex?

1- Think like a “knob,” not a “switch.”

Women are like knobs -- you can turn them up and down.”

2- When you’re getting it on, make sure she’s completely relaxed and comfortable.

Brain scans showed that the parts of women’s brains responsible for processing fear, anxiety and emotion slowed down the more aroused they became, producing a trancelike state at orgasm.

3- Take the time to figure out what works.

Every woman is different, and most women don’t even orgasm the first couple of times they’re with a guy. A woman has to feel comfortable, and a guy has to figure out what makes her tick sexually. Some women love wet, sloppy kisses; other women find saliva a total turnoff. Some women love lots of breast stimulation; other women can’t stand it at all. Some women love to be on top in bed; others love missionary style. Some women respond to intense clitoral stimulation; others require very little. Some women have an innate capacity to experience multiple orgasms; others are more like guys -- they roll over, and they’re ready to go to sleep.

4- Once you know what works, wrap it in something fresh: fantasy.

A healthy fantasy life is one of the keys to a great sex life -- even when your partner might not always play the leading role. Most people find that they are most sexually satisfied when they are intimate with one person with whom they feel completely comfortable.

5- Play to your strengths.

Very few guys make love like porn stars, nor should we. We live in the real world, and we all have sexual strengths and weaknesses.

6- Get cliterate.

When embarking on a journey of female sexual response, know your way around her vulva -- from the northern tippy-top of the clitoral glans (the “love-button,” so to speak), to the western and eastern boundaries of the labia minora (her inner lips), to the southernmost regions of the perineum (the smooth expanse of skin just below the vaginal entrance) and anus. Stop thinking of the clitoris as a little bump, and start thinking of it as a complex network, a pleasure dome, the Xanadu at the heart of female sexuality. The clitoris has more than 8,000 nerve fibers -- more than any other part of the human body -- and interacts with another 15,000 nerve fibers that service the entire pelvic area.

7- The tongue is mightier than the sword.

When it comes to pleasuring women and conversing in the language of love, cunnilingus should be every man’s native tongue.

8- Show some sexual courtesy, as in “she comes first.”

Unlike men, women don’t reach a point of “orgasmic inevitability” -- the moment when, even without further physical stimulation, a guy ventures past the point of no return. In fact, men and women are so different in this respect that many women claim to “lose” an orgasm just as they’re on the verge of having one, which can be particularly frustrating, especially if it occurs regularly. Guys need to pay attention to the journey through female arousal, particularly those final moments of potential orgasmic ecstasy. Recognize the visible signs of female arousal, mainly the muscular tension that develops throughout her body and that will ultimately demand release. Look especially for tension in the hands and feet and throughout her pelvic area.

9- Grab a vibrator off the shelf.

Make like Obi-Wan Kenobi with that thing. Wield it like a Jedi master, and the force of the female orgasm will be with you. According to Nagoski, most women orgasm easiest when using a vibrator. “The mechanical vibration provided by toys is more intense than anything a hand, phallus, tongue, fresh produce, or other organic stimulus can provide.

10- Finally, don’t forget to cuddle.

To paraphrase the pioneering sexologist Theodore van de Velde, it’s in the moments after orgasm that a man proves whether or not he's an “erotically civilized” adult.

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